I don’t know what to do, any ideas?

I would like to do normal things others already have explored in their youth, help?

I couldn’t sleep much last night. I been feeling bad yesterday since very early in the morning and I couldn’t focus on work, I cried in some long time. I just don’t know what to do with my life. How to get better? I didn’t live in the best places, didn’t have the best experiences. I lived in Hull which is an ild industrial city in England, for 8 years. Didn’t feel I belonged with people there so I returned to Romania.

I feel like I wasted my 20s. I spent a lot of time in my studies alone on computer for assignments rendering in computer labs til 11pm walking alone. My work was also from home and couldn’t see any of my colleagues in person. I had a corporate job where I felt useless, all remote. I am working part time on short term for a former employer as client just to have some money in my account I am gonna have 2,500 GBP saved. I am 29. I trained to work in tech as a designer, the job market is tougher and the competition is high. I don’t feel motivated by the prospect of working in isolation on screens and having no friends in real life.

I don’t like living in this small city. I live with my father and disabled mother. My father gonna lose his spot at the square where he sells clothes. All he will have is his caretaker remuneration which is not much.

There’s not much to do in this city. I tried go to boardgames and ended up doing work for organisers, they made excuses over the weeks to not pay me when they agreed to upfront at start. I felt they looked down on me because I don’t have a partner and came alone at the events, or that I was jobseeking, so I stopped going in February. I always felt more alone and heavy when going home after that. When I walk alone in the streets and see everyone together I feel heavy. I never had that belonging or connection face to face with people in the past 10 years. I had bad and fake friends in England just to go out but I got fed up at some point after years I told them I want to leave England.

I sometimes wished I did what I wanted but I cannot afford it, I wish I lived in a bigger place, I wish I painted and were surrounded by artists, and that I had friends and a partner that loves me