I, 18f, am so terrified for college.

Hello! I'm 18, I just graduated high-school, and I'm in a bit of a spiral. I just want to hear from students, people who have already been through it, I will take any advice I can get.

I just graduated high school, i have an advanced diploma, I'm CTE and OSHA certified, I've taken 2 Dual Enrollment college courses, I've taken AP and Honors classes all 4 years, and I graduated with a 4.0. I made it into a university, and I'm so excited. This is a huge deal for me and my family, because I will be the first in my family to go to a university, and I got in on the WUE tuition discount. I have a roommate, a dorm picked out, my class schedule is almost worked out completely, and I leave in almost 2 months.

I'm so worried about every little thing though. I am going to be 10 hours from home, which is mortifying, because I've never been more than 5 from my parents. I love my parents. We struggle, but all families do. I wouldn't trade them for the world. My dad never graduated high-school, my mom didn't get to finish college, and I want my 9 year old sister to see how far she can make it in life and how capable she is. It feels like it's all on me. College isn't for me, it's for them. I want them to be proud of me, and proud of themselves for how far they got me. But we aren't rich. I would never even begin to ask them to pay for my college because they have another little girl to raise. Even with my tuition discount, my overall payment that is projected per year is a little over $32,000. That's almost $130k by the time I'm out of college. And I obviously plan to have a job. I've had a job since i was 14, my early freshman year, and I will have one when I move. Maybe even 2. I don't know if I need a side gig, I'll do anything I can to stay in college without financially burdening my parents. One of my biggest fears is that I'll have to drop out for financial reasons and I couldn't live with myself if I did that. My family worked so hard to get me here, my sister shouldn't lose faith in herself because I didn't make it. I will do anything I have to, I will, I just have to get money wherever I can and save wherever I can.

Im honestly also so scared to leave my home at all. Im scared to leave my dad, who isn't in the best health, my sister, who is young and at the most vulnerable stage in her life, and my mom, who isn't emotionally stable at all. I do alot of the cleaning and cooking around the house and I don't know what's gonna happen if I leave. Am I abandoning everyone and leaving them to rot to go to a school that I might not be able to afford to stay at? What if I drop out and I come home to a broken home? What if they resent me for leaving? What if leave them, I can't handle it, I come home, and everything is awful?

Frankly, Im also just feel so vulnerable and unprepared. I feel like i don't know anything about college payment plans and Financials, I feel so lost and behind the curve and hopeless. What happens if I miss one little detail and fumble my future? I dont know. I have tried so hard to stay ahead and I have tried to understand everything I can but I just feel so scared.

Is there any advice you can give me? I'll take anything I can. This is all I ever think about, and move in day is slowly but surely encroaching and I feel sick to my stomach thinking about it.