I’m trying to move on

I was dumped a while ago and probably should have moved on by now.

Anyway, I downloaded a dating app about two days ago and matched with two guys. One doesn’t talk much, but the other seems like he’s matching my energy. Still, I feel kind of uneasy and I can’t tell if it’s just me.

I was in a long relationship where I got used to being treated pretty poorly. I often had to ask my ex for basic things like compliments, and when I did, he’d sometimes respond by saying I was “insecure.” Because of that, I think I’m a bit thrown off when someone is actually kind to me.

I feel like I might be judging this new guy a bit too harshly. He asked me out to an outdoor exhibit, but then said his schedule was busy (which makes sense since it was last minute) and that he’d still love to meet soon. I suggested grabbing coffee instead, and he said we could do something sometime this week. He also mentioned we have all summer to check out the exhibit.

I just feel a bit triggered because my ex used to say he was busy all the time but never really made plans or put effort into seeing me.

I also notice myself picking at small things, like him being bald or the fact that he smokes occasionally. It feels like I might be searching for reasons to feel unsure, and I’m not sure if that’s just me being guarded or actual incompatibility.

Right now, I feel a bit overwhelmed by dating again and finding myself praying that he finds something wrong with me.

I think dating will forever be off the table for me because I find it to be activating my nervous system in a very very very bad way.