Cursing God and dont know how to stop

Alsalam alaykoum

I have had my fair share of difficulties and disappointments in life and the struggles simply seem to never end. It has gotten to the point where any small inconvenience results in me cursing god and such. I suffered a psychotic episode around 7-8 months ago and ever since life has flipped completely on my head. i was supposed to graduate college get married move on with life. life wasnt necessarily kind to me even before the episode but i always had belief in Allah and that things would get better (substance abuse issues and just alot of missed life opportunities and alot more but i wont get too into that). now the girl i was set on marrying has gotten engaged and moved on. I have not graduated yet. my parents view me as a substance abusing clown that cannot be trusted to the point my father hides the other car keys before he leaves the house. ( i had to move back in with parents for a semester and summer because they did not want me alone at university after the episode and subsequently finding out abt substance use and whatever else.

Please advice me on what to do about this. I still pray my 5 prayers and what not but thats it besides that i literally cannot bare religious at all. even when i hear the quran i just want to shut it off. i constantly mock anything religion related. I dont see myself leaving Islam ofc but what am i to do. i used to answer questions in this sub and talk about this and that and now look where ive reached. how does this even happen why does the world have to be so cruel. i understand Allah tests his servants but when is enough enough. like why am i being tested to this extent to the point i just start cursing religion and everything associated with it. I thought Allah knows your limits?