Is this group for me?

I just joined this group.

I dont want anything from Lucifer...

I want him to want something from me.. bc i desperately want to know if he is real...

Im not afraid to die, im afraid of not EXISTING. Total blackness nothingness.

That scares the shit out of me.

Also, im adicted to the power of my sexuality and the chaos it creates. Ive sought help for this before but it always comes back

I dont hate myself, im not looking for some kind of arcane love, i have very high self esteem , it gets me in trouble. Recently i have become obsessed with the character John Constantine, its bad, i need perspective, reality. I know myself, i know when i start to become obsessed with things it means i am unfulfilled that im missing something. I need to find out what it is and why im drawn to darkness.

Thank you if you read this far..

So im trying to find the right group for me. Am i in the right place??

What the difference between Satanism and Luciferianism ???