Anyone here just feel like there personality is ugly?

I don’t rlly care about my looks ill say no men irl ever found me attractive and i have ( sadly ) very high standards I’ve been called a pig an elephant and a blobfish as a child, and it genuinely fucked me up,

My personality is of a child I feel like I’m incredibly immature and mentally stunted due to insecurity’s and disability’s I like animation and horror but nobody else likes it people think I’m weird and creepy for enjoying horror, the minute I have a fixation I’ll go insane get so giddy like a child

I also have severe anxiety and jealously issues when I hear big groups of people talking I shut down and get so Anxious and paranoid especially when parties are mentioned

All I want more than anything is a friend group :/ I just wanna feel like a human I feel like ai I just wanna go to a party I’m a high masking autistic women I do not want to be with lower functioning autistic adults I want to be with regular adults my age I do not fit in with Anyone

I know this is a sub is for looks but I just think I have an ugly personality it took me until grade 11 to make a friend in high school :/