2009 Laurie Strode and me

I love horror movies, and I really love Rob Zombie’s Halloween ones. When the sequel came out, I was in the deep end of a horrific life that I’d been in for 17 years (my whole life back then), so I guess I was dissociated enough to deal with it enough to like the movie.

For some context, my dad is a scary person and he owns a business that entails him dressing as horror characters often, as well as working on audio that includes score music from those movies. He did this all year, so my upbringing was full of seeing him like that and hearing those tracks.

Anyway, the way Rob depicted Laurie dealing with PTSD now triggers absolute horror for me. Not only is the movie itself scary, but my experiences with abuse from someone who constantly dressed like Michael add a breathtaking layer of realism to it for me.

This film triggers my demons that are about my own identity problems (like the scene where she breaks her mirror), and all the dreams she has in the movie. I really this this film that I otherwise enjoy is one that I cannot watch anymore. It causes an indescribable level of terror for me, and one I finish watching it, I shift into this weird feeling that someone else is controlling my body, and I’m just a passenger in the backseat. I look around my environment and nothing feels like mine anymore, and I’m full of a rage that scares me.

Sorry. I just needed a place to vent.