Relapsed after 3 years SH free

Ever since I was a child about 11 years old I have always SH. I was good at hiding it at first until my mammie caught me once. She thought she was helping by telling my mom. Insert church counselors and years of everyone saying “she does it for attention”. As I got older I began to do it for every emotional support state except happiness. I didn’t really know how that felt though. I pushed through my late teens and early adult life in survival mode. 3 years ago my grand daughter walked into my bedroom when I was dressing and she said “look grandma has ouchie I get bandaid”. She then cried because her bandaid didn’t cover my ouchie. I sat there at 40 years old watching my 2 year old granddaughter cry and for the first time I can remember I cried.

There has been no more ouchies since then UNTIL now. The worst part is that it was like I had 3 years of pent up pain, emotion, etc it’s been a long rough year. Just when I thought the worst part had passed and I could breathe I was hit like a truck with the end of my 6.5 year relationship and here I am.