Hey C, it’s R.

Well, it’s been an entire month of complete silence from you. I’d be lying if I said I’ve been doing good because the reality is I’ve been lost and struggling immensely without being able to talk. To kiss. To hold each other until our arms fell off. Above all, I’m still trying to wrap my head around how you chose to discard me without any regard to my thoughts or feelings.

You broke up with me on a random Wednesday, through text with no warning or conversation. I knew there was something wrong when you started to not reply for hours on end and never confirming a time to see each other. I would keep asking if everything was okay, if you were okay.. you told me everything was fine.. so I listened and believed you. I believed you until you finally told me things weren’t working out between us and you wanted to start a new chapter in your life after all the trauma and painful experiences in your past.

You said I was amazing and this decision wasn’t because of me. You said you didn’t want to drag me down.. How the fuck does that make any sense when you saw every message I sent you after the breakup and choose to say absolutely nothing? That literally makes me think everything you said in that text was a lie and you just didn’t want to hurt me more than you already did. That probably was the biggest punch in the face from this entire ordeal..

Do I still want you back? Yes. Do I want you to apologize for shutting me out and actually try to build something that can grow and reshape both of us into something better, amazing even? 1,000%. Do I still love you? Always.

But with each passing day I slowly start to remember that you’re making the choice to stay out of my life and maybe one day I’ll wake up and realize you might never come back.