21F 2M- how do I pass the lines of friendship?

It's low-key implied hella that we like each other (I think), and right now we are on a trip w/some friends to a nearby state. Basically, the friends want to get together, and like I’m 80% sure we've been flirting over calls.

The thing is, I like this guy, as in, I haven't met anyone who can consistently have interesting conversations. I'm not usually good at commitment because I get bored, but with him, nothing is ever boring. Sophomore year of high school, I would drive him to school and back, and we would hang out randomly, and I was fucking head over heels. I’ve never cried so hard to “I wanna be yours”, never yearned as I did then. But I accepted it could never happen.

We recently reconnected, like a year ago. I would call him at 11 or 12, and we would stay until 8am without even noticing. Like, it's just so easy, and he's one of those people who genuinely considers facts and opinions and can change/adapt his view without ego getting in the way, which is so rare. Anything from deep world politics to silly shut to hypotheticals- it's always interesting, and he brings up random shit, and it just works. I also reconnected with my guy friend group- we were friends for a while and then started talking less, but now we're talking more again, and with him, I talk 1-on-1

We hung out during one of my breaks and had a lot of fun, and we still just lost track of time while we were talking. My sister asked me a couple of months ago if I liked any of my boys, and I said I don't know, but I'd marry one of them. I said it instinctively. Like, after undergrad, I could imagine committing, and I've never imagined long-term with anyone, and it's terrifying. Afterward, I started thinking about him in a romantic context again. I realized it's something I've conditioned myself to keep in the deepest parts of my brain to avoid risking what we had then and what we have now.

We are in a friend group where I'm the only girl, and here with some other girls that are friends of one of the people here: it's a 1:1 ratio, but like it's not that kind of trip, the one guy is in a relationship- we just fuckin shit up like it's not THAT kind of trip iykwim. But like our friends lately have been shipping us, and where we are at, privacy is difficult. I think he likes me. I don't know. I feel like there's been energy, but it may be all in my head. I keep doing stupid things, and I'm bad at this. I haven't been social lately or on the scene like before, and it's making it much harder for me to figure myself and my context out in person.

I just wanna kiss him before this weekend is over. We are going back home on Monday (it's the middle of the night, the early hours of Friday/Saturday rn). He's driving me to my college town, and we will be alone, but I don't wanna wait. I’ve been so deprived of affection. Also, classes just ended 2 days ago. I'm such a touch-oriented person, and it pains me to be away from people and connections for so long. I need this. I need him. I don't wanna fuck him here, and now, I just want to be close, and I just want one goddamn kiss.

I don't care that I'll be back in school in 2 months or that I need to be single by January. I want him now. I want him to just be in proximity and cuddle and kiss because I know it would just be fuckin like unreal feeling. I just want to enjoy my time while I have it. Do what I wished I'd been able to years ago. Feel human again. Feel him.

I just don't know how to be actually alone. We were alone for a bit, but the people in the house were at the windows, lurking. I'm questioning if any signs are in my head. We have some plans for the next couple of days, but I don't know how to actually get him alone to talk without worrying about prying

**Any advice on how to go about this would be appreciated.** Sorry, there isn't much context about our history: I don't want anyone to find this. I also changed a few unimportant details, jic, but the dilemma is the same.

**TL;DR**: I like one of my long—time friends. I liked him years ago and shoved it away, but now I feel like there is something unsaid between us, like I think there's some mutual understanding and energy since we started talking more again. It's back, but this time I think it's possible to try things out at least. Our friends are all boys who have never tried to get me with any of them before, but are now shipping us. I enjoy his company so much that I'd rather commit, but 6 months from now, I won't be committed for what I'm gonna be doing then. I've been trying to tell myself I'd rather take him seriously a year from now, and if it happens, it happens, but it's unfair to go on and off, or like just possibly fuck l things up.

I don't care anymore. I just want to have fun, follow my emotions, and have a boy be my biggest worry for once.

I’m on a trip rn, and we are both here in-person, haven't been each other irl since January. I’ve lost my ability to know social cues or have rizz because I've been too busy to be social lately, and I feel like doing everything wrong. I want to kiss him, but we have no opportunities for privacy, although we will in a few days. I don't want to wait a few days. I'm so touch-starved. I don't want to fuck right now or anything, I just want him close. I just wanna feel his body heat and lips on mine. Just once. As soon as possible.