If life is miserable, but people will hate me and loathe me after death, what else can I do?

I'll be hated and shamed for actually killing myself. I can't get medically assisted suicide so it'd be more 'respectable'. I've been trying to get help professionally for as long as I can remember, so many different treatments and I'm still doing them. And nothing. I take it day by day but It's not doing anything. I wake up everyday and try to tell myself it'll be a good day, ill be happy, it'll start looking up

and it just. doesn't. I can't lie to myself anymore​