Blackforest cake my sister made me. Glass of wine to follow.

We were together 3 years. We each have a kid. Never lived together by choice. Saw each other on our weekends off as parents. Loved it. Always felt like we were dating. Always missed each other. Last few months he was distant and cancelling plans constantly due to work stress. I get it. I don't complain but it felt like I was always trying.

I brought it up a few times politely. He admits he's burnt out, being distant, didn't wanna take me for granted yet didn't know how I've stuck around (verbatim). But when I wanted to talk most recently a month ago, it took him 10 business days just to show up (not exaggeratin). During that chat he admitted he wasn't even sure a month prior if he wanted to be with me. Three years in. Like what? I think that was it for me really. I felt my walls go up.

Last weekend he cancelled last minute for work. Ok I understand (again). Come Sunday he's casually telling me about his super social Sunday with his kid and bike rides with friends. All the time he made for everyone but me.

I snapped and asked him to put himself in my shoes. That's when he got defensive, calling me rich because I had my kid all the time. I could see the resentment - "I try hard not to complain about how little your ex takes her." Umm and what am I meant to do with my child if her dad won't take her???

I said I'm done. And that's it. His response was "I need to process." He does this a lot and I've come to learn this is avoidant attachment style. No fight. No "let's work on this, let's talk" He just accepted it and that was that.. I offered to talk and he said no, doesn't know how he feels about talking for closure and needs to process ... Asked for his stuff back and unfollowed me on socials... Days later he finally replies to a message I sent saying I hope he takes care of himself. His response? "You too."

Three years and that's the goodbye. No real conversation. No attempt to save it. He just gave up. Maybe I did too? Idk but I really do feel like I tried a lot. I'll fight for love but he wasn't meeting me halfway .. forget half way he literally said he didn't know if he wanted to be with me a couple of months ago...

I don't understand ... I'm sad and angry but mostly just confused. For 2.5 years this was the best relationship of my life, the last few months have been crap ok but still I lost my best friend. I thought he was it ... Yeah I initiated the breakup so I Probs have no right to be mad but ... Can't help that it hurts. 

Can't believe that after 3 years that's it.