I hate how this ruins good things

Today I’m wearing a red lip as I’m going out to see my friend. I feel confident and beautiful but these stupid thoughts are trying to convince me that it would be better if I was a man and that deep down I don’t want to look like this and would rather look like the men around me. But I know how I feel wearing this red lip!! It’s like as soon as you want to do something nice, this ruins it 😞