It’s so hard to get used to

I recently became disabled.
Everything is just so much effort now, I rarely get dressed or wear makeup. Most of the time when I go out I’m wearing my pyjamas. I still haven’t gotten back into the habit of daily showering. My hair always looks messy. The first week or two when I was in hospitals back to back I barely even brushed my teeth. I honestly thought I’d get back into my normal habits at some point but it’s been around 2 months and I’m basically just a bum now lol….

I still don’t know what to do for fun now. Like before all this I was super active. I spent most of my time outside. Sometimes I’d just leave the house to lay in the grass. But I can’t do that because my crutches don’t respond well to grass. I used to go to the beach and watch the water. But my crutches sink in the sand. I used to ride my bike around the city whenever I felt restless and bored but I can’t even do that anymore. I recently realised my favourite shopping centre isn’t accessible lol… I’ve been wanting to go to an art gallery but I feel disruptive because my crutches make the loudest clicking and clacking sounds when I walk around quiet rooms.

I’ve started to do other things, like I’ve started going to the cinema and going to nice restaurants. I guess I need to get into more sedentary hobbies because I genuinely don’t know what else I can do. I really miss nature. I miss running I miss walking around my neighbourhood I miss riding my bike I miss shopping on my own I fucking hate this shit