Want this pain to stop but I feel broken at 38 years old

I don't know what to say.lots of long term relationships with men who mistreated me. I don't want to live with all of this pain.the last one was 3 years and we were so good together,we both said how we were so lucky to have found each other, banter was so good and it was alot of fun..but he left suddenly due to his mental health and after talking up our future together,getting my ring size at the jewellers and honestly a bright future ahead he started to miss being single and became unsure of what he wanted.he left me and seemed to have changed overnight. I am deeply broken and lonely. Everyone says open up your friend circle etc but the traumas I've faced it's becoming harder and harder to keep on living in this nightmare.ive since blocked the ex because we were staying in touch but he wasn't the same toward me anymore.i want to end my life but I have 2 teenagers.