I sometimes forget how privileged people are and how much it hurts

I'm blessed, i'm grateful, but it really hurts sometimes lol. I'm so so so jealous i can't help but cry. Especially when they're your friends and you have to stand in tapti dhoop, even then, maybe, you'll get what you've been following the rules and protocol for. And they can just get it done by a dad's call. Not saying they're so filthy rich and shit. But connections go a long way too, and i just...before you come at me saying 'have you been living under a rock, ofc that's how the world works' i know that and though i'm almost 15, i'm just new to experiencing it irl on my own, consciously realizing and noting how miserable i am. I hate that i feel jealous of them because they're good people, their parents are great too. And i feel even more guilty because i resent my fate for not being born in a financially emotionally stable family, and i know i'm so blessed with a hardworking single mother but fuck i wish she had some connections too.

I really really wanted to go but neither do i have the money, nor a dad who's not an asshole, to call them and go 'yeah, fit my son in a slot there somewhere, he wants to go too.' I wish i'd get really really rich one day.