We both have severe retroactive jealousy.

TLDR at bottom.

As the title suggests, both me and my girlfriend have pretty bad jealousy ROCD (hers is much worse) , with the theme being past partners / experiences.

I know most people experience ROCD as thoughts of not loving the other person, or obsess about their appearance or personality ect, and I’ve had those themes in the past too but it seems this one is just as detrimental.

Without going into too much detail, I gave into a compulsion and went though her phone. I read some stuff that I shouldn’t have , from before we were even dating (seriously what the fuck was I doing LOL). Cue the comparative scenarios , rumination’s, intrusive images that make me physically sick. I’m a big boy and can get over it, these thoughts attack me in the same way many others have in the past and I’m also painfully aware of how childish it is to be jealous over that.

However, my girlfriend took this as a green light to do the exact same thing on my phone. She found some messages to other girls, some names and whatnot , but here’s what has us stuck now. She found a sext from a girl, which I last spoke to 2 weeks after my gf and I met. Although this isn’t cheating as we weren’t exclusive for about a month after that, and didn’t start dating until 3 months of knowing eachother , it seems to have completely taken over her every thought.

The fact that we were seeing eachother at the same time that I had spoken to this girl (even if it was for a short amount of time after we met) it has triggered her really bad. Her OCD is considerably worse than mine, she seems to be helpless at times against her obsessions.

For the past few days she has had moments where she goes quiet for minutes, or longer , and I can just tell she’s really sad. Her smiles are fake and she doesn’t feel present with me. I’ll see her staring off into the distance or she will give me very short responses. Sounds like normal upset gf behaviour, but I know that this is serious. Her ocd is replaying scenarios that aren’t real and she is re reading and analysing messages sent to other girls in her head, this one in particular, instead of being present in the moment with me.

I’m getting really worried that this will last, or turn into something worse. Having one obsession makes it easier to have more. I really am worried she will start to resent me because of this, and maybe look at me differently which could lead to some real ROCD and breakup urges ect. Reassuring her doesn’t really help , as with most obsessions. I just really hope she can get on top of this before it ruins things. She knows that it’s kinda silly, and that objectively I haven’t broken her trust or anything, so there’s that awareness at least.

Is there anything I should do to help this go in the right direction? I really don’t want to lose her to something so small. It’s early days and I would like to help her pull this from the root and move on with our relationship. Should I expect her to recover? Am I doomed? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

TLDR: gf and I got too curious and went through eachothers phones. Found stuff from before we were dating that she is now obsessing over, to the point where it’s affecting her mood almost constantly throughout the day. I’m worried she will start hating me or develop a more sinister kind of ROCD. What do.