I feel like the clock is ticking

Sorry if this is a bit rambly, but I really feel like i can't keep certain anxieties bottled up anymore

So for context I guess I'm what you would classify as 'pre–HRT'. I have been spending a lot of time over the last few months researching and considering whether i should begin taking hormones. I feel increasingly certain I want to, but I haven't 100% made my mind up yet

I've always been a more feminine person both physically and in personality. Many have described me as twink like in body in the past. But it has been the not until recent times that the desire to transition has been realised and grown. It also feels like that desire has been the kind of missing link, or puzzle piece, that makes a lot more sense about who i am and how I've been for a long time. I just never knew it previously

Ever since I've been thinking seriously about transitioning, I have been paying even more attention to my body and its features than even before. This has come with some euphoria but also a great deal of dysphoria and anxiety

Something that is playing on my mind hugely is my age and physical masculisation. Now im 21, and my body is definitely starting to take on some more manly aspects

For example, body hair has really developed a lot more rapidly in the last few months, before I had basically no facial hair, now I can basically grow a moustache and that grey shade is starting to take hold, albeit at an embryonic stage. Before I had no hair on my belly and chest, now in the last few weeks i can see loads of hairs starting to become coloured in all over my back and chest, and plenty more blonde ones waiting to follow suit. Again, it's all very early growth, but it won't take long to develop into something that I need to get rid of constantly to not feel dysphoric.

I guess my worry is that even thought there is never such thing as 'too late' for transitioning, if I don't start HRT soon then I will become more physically masculined that any transition will be both longer and harder to come out feeling secure and happy from. I know that hormones can produce amazing results. However, there are no guarantees, and estrogen cannot 'undo' what has happened to the body before starting.

On the other hand, as I was saying, I haven't made a final decision yet whether to go ahead. I still have some reservations, mostly based on fear of it all not working out for me. Say i make my mind up and ordered vials (i would be DIYing it), that would still be likely some time before the effects of estrogen take hold and stop any further masculinisation

I don't want to wait too long while my body increasingly makes me feel depressed and desperate, but I also don't want to make such a critical decision without being fully mentally secure in the path i take

Sorry again for this being so long and probably a bit incoherent xx