Barely staying alive, this is no living. I’m no human.

I’m in constant pain, constant PEM. For months. Cannot tolerate sunlight, cannot tolerate any sound, my partner and I living in the same house texting each other in the same room because I cannot stand any human sound. I cannot cook, I cannot clean, I cannot rest or sleep due to chronic pain- headaches and such, on painkillers(nsaids) every day, they barely work. Cannot regulate my body temperature. My brain is burning and so heavy. Feel like pressure in my head. Neck. Haven’t took a shower for a month. Quitted my job. Quitted my academics.

And even the worst part, now my family became indifferent to my pain because I have 9/10 pain every day. Now I feel like they became numb.

Not only this disease is invisible but also I am now. Am I even a human? I am just an animal in pain and fatigue barely surviving.

Yesterday, last night, I couldn’t move or scream or even cry I was like paralysed from the immense pain, like a shock, wanted to call an ambulance and couldn’t
Now tell me, is this living?
Every day, I hope and pray maybe tomorrow I’ll get better but I do not.

And I feel so alone. Feels like I’m the only one experiencing this. I don’t want to kill myself but god knows everyday I wish not to wake up tomorrow.