Need help. Please. Desperate

(Trigger Warning: Vomit, Blood, Suicide)

First of all hello. This is the first post I do on reddit b

so sorry in advance for any problem in the text but I feel I really, really need some help right now. I am feeling absolutely desperate and thought maybe someone might help me, since I never had it about this. I don't really know what to do anymore.

I am 24 years old, male, from Portugal.

Before I was 18, I was an athletic person, was on competitive swimming, made several physical activities and had no kidney problem whatsoever, or at least nothing that I was aware.

3rd of September 2020, day before my exams to enter military academy, felt an extremely sharp pain in my lower back at 05 am, it was extremely intense, and made my heart rush. Pain was unbearable. Went to the ER, there they told me I had a 3mm kidney stone that was lodged and hurting the kidney. Since it was smaller than 10mm, gave me some painkillers and something that would "relax my muscles" to help the stone to go away.

Military academy gave me a postponed date to do my physical exams after much asking by my part. 2 days later. Because of it I couldnt go, so I didnt enter.

Next 2 days I couldn't even eat, I threw up everything, even the smallest ammounts of water and felt extremely weak. Afterwards, the pain gradually went away. Never saw a kidney stone coming out, nor felt it going through the urethra.

7th May, 2022 had my second episode. First felt very tired in the week prior, very sleepy, couldn't really do much and then immense ammount of pain again. Went to the ER, now on the right kidney, 2.5mm but the pain was even worse. Same thing happened, didn't transfer me to urologist or nephrologist told me it was all good and sent me on my way. Same thing happened, throwing up, imense pain, sometimes unbearable even medicated.

Third one happened in March, 2025 altough much better than the ones before, pain was very strong, but much better than the other one. In the CT scam, they saw that my left kidney had tiny 3 stones, and my right one had 5 small stones as well. Since they were all "too small", nothing was made. Never had one stone in my hand.

During this time, i read absolutely everything about it on PUBMED, tried alkaline water, acidic water, changed my diet several times, low calcium, high calcium, high vitamin C, low vitamin C, low calcium oxalate. More or less exercise, more or less water, cutting on animal meat... they just kept coming and always on the same week as exams.

This year I had one big eppisode in March 2026. I made it to be known I wanted to be followed asap by a nephrologist so he could tell me what I have. They made me CT scan, and told me my right kidney had 1 and the left one was clean. I spent 3 days in the ER since my creatinin was max. 1.87.

My urine and blood levels showed deficit of calcium, and I had bad values of kidney work. Had a nephrologist appointed for 19 of august. Still, no specialist saw me.

I wanted to go to a private one, but unfortunately I dont have the money for it, since I still havent finished my university degree, much because of the kidney stones as well. My parents, refused to help me several times, so I am completely alone in this fight.

Last week, was the first time I peed urine with what i believe it was blood residues. The pain was absolutely unbearable, made me fall on my knees several times. Now, I have been having the worst episode of my entire life, I still havent ate for the last 48 hours and I have an intense sharp pain in my left kidney. In the ER told me it was a kidney stone and sent me on my way, again. I have final exams of university tomorrow and the day after, and they told me I couldnt do it in another day, even with the justification, so I can only have one last chance in 1 week.

I feel I am going crazy and I wholeheartedly want to die. Kidney stones have been destroying my life, and I never even had one in my hand. The doctors dont know what it might be since i never had one for testing.

The idea of suicide is coming up quite a lot into my mind, I was never about this, never had any self-hurt ideas, but I am for the first time of my life considering it. I want to unironically die, and I feel im coming to the end of the road here.

please, someone help me. any advice will be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for your time