Desperately tried to not quit my job during Luteal so I didn’t

Day one of period.. Finally some relief even though the cramps are excruciating.
This past week was so hard for me. Had to call out everyday because I work as a massage therapist. I was getting anxiety attacks before work thinking about having to hold space for people and to touch them. I tried and I was immediately overstimulated, filled with anxiety and had to cut the session short. I knew I was burnt out but at this point I am past burnt out from my work. That physical reaction in Luteal only speaks the truth. I had to sit with myself on that all week. Today I quit my job. so I could pursue getting health insurance and getting my support team back. This cycle made me realize how much I need therapy and a psychiatrist. The mood swings and debilitating hopelessness are too much for me to take care of alone.

I do feel hopeful. I know that I will experience hell week again but for now I can follow my other goals and be outside and enjoy life and focus on my mental health. There is nothing holding me back from joy any longer. I am shedding the life and person I was with every moment towards the future I can bounce back to a positive mindset because the reality is I am not locked in a cage of pmdd. I am freed from it. I allow the cycles to change me and allow me to transmute the energy that needs to be transformed and refreshed. Luteal helps me see the areas of myself that are my deepest and most vulnerable. The raw underbelly of my life that is disgusting and vile. In That I lose my self. In that I allow myself to grow. I am that person and I am another person who is joyous and vital. I am and can be both existing at the same time