What can I do to reassure a man that it is not his fault that I do want him but I'm just broken ?

So essentially I can take care of a man I enjoy doing it actually I love taking care of my boyfriends needs I give him BJ's and hand jobs once sometimes twice a day sometimes just because I love watching him. I've gotten to where I can ride him and maintain at least some confidence.

Id give him anything his heart desires but one of the things he wants is to repay the favor he wants me to orgasm for him he wants to lick and finger and have me sit on his face. He wants to hear me moan but I have such a hard time receiving it . I get so nervous I've never taken pleasure in sex like that. Nobody has ever seen me orgasm.

I mean I know I'm clean and keep proper hygiene but what if I taste bad along with I've had sexual trauma in my life most of the time people touch me and it's pain.

I know how he doesn't want to hurt me but it's still panic inducing he started trying to play with my clit while kissing me once and I panicked grabbed his hand and pulled it away I didn't mean to I didn't want to I just did I felt horrible I could see it in his face he felt hurt felt like I was rejecting him I felt horrible about it.

He's been supportive and understanding but I just feel helpless. And the way he looks at me watching me when he's playing with me I can't handle his eyes on me I mean I want him to look at me like that but I'm so embarrassed I can't stand it he wants me to moan but I've forgotten how to even do that I've been silent 🔕 for so many years.

I just don't want him to think he's not good enough when it's me that's pathetic.