Special eye contact

I’m wondering if this is the norm of what everyone else is experiencing in their marriage.
Please don’t judge me. I’m genuinely curious about this.

I’m a 35 year old woman married for 15 years. I met my husband young and we moved quickly and since then stayed married and had a family. I didn’t have much experience with men going into this marriage and I’m ok with that.

I had a first love in high school and then a few short relationships after that before meeting my husband.
When I met my first love as a young girl I remember we experienced what is probably known as love at first sight. I think it was pretty rare. I remember the first time our eyes locked and everything else around disappeared. And then we just couldn’t stop staring at each other after that. We always just had this special deep eye contact that felt like telepathic communication. It has been many years since I’ve seen him (I don’t ever plan to) but I’m certain if I ever do it would probably be the same.

With my short relationships after that or men that I met along the way it wasn’t exactly like that. There was some enjoyable eye contact…but nothing like that!

I then met my husband. We were set up on a date never meeting each other prior. When I first saw him I thought he was very handsome. We had a great first date that ended up lasting hours. We talked so much we didn’t realize the restaurant was closing until the lady came up with a broom and said “we are closed” lol and then I realized we were the only ones there. We continued to date and within a few months I remember feeling that this is going to be my husband and father of my kids. He started hinting at marriage as well so we got together young and we hit it off and moved quickly.
I have no regrets. My husband is a handsome man like I said. He’s my bestfriend and we have a great sex life.
Of course I like looking in his eyes and I see him enjoying looking into mine but I just always told myself the reason it didn’t feel as intense as my first love is because I was so young and that was my first experience.

Fast forward to this past year I met a man at work who’s very gorgeous. He’s obviously beautiful and everyone including the men comment on that lol. When we started working together i immediately put up my boarders because I didn’t want to develop some kind of stupid crush on him. I’ve always just had feelings for my husband since we met. But I’m experiencing the type of eye contact I experienced back in high school. Except for I’m recognizing that it’s super shallow. I don’t really know this man truly. We have become work friends (and I keep it at work and would never betray my husband) and while working each other for a while I’ve become more comfortable being around him. Now I don’t get all nervous about his gorgeousness I just see a flawed human whom I work with/and we have a goal to get done. I don’t know if he flirts with everyone else but he on many occasions talked to me in a way that felt flirtatious. I always diffuse it but he always seems to hang out close to me even though he doesn’t have to…which I’ve just gotten used to. I’m one of the people he talks the most to. He has shared some parts of his personal life with me and has said that I remind him of his sister and he feels comfortable talking to me. When we talk sometimes he gets way too close to me. I always take a step back because it always seems too close. And he always stares deeply into my eyes without blinking or looking away. I’m always the one to break eye contact but I noticed whenever we just lock eyes day to day it feels so intense and magnetic. It feels like I could look in there for a long time but don’t because I’m married. It isn’t intentional.

This got me thinking…what’s up with that!? Why don’t I have that with my husband? The man I love and attach my sexuality to. I’d honestly rather have it with him but I just never experience it that way with him. I’m curious on what other married people are like?
My husband frequently tells me he loves the way I look at him and how my eyes are his absolute favorite. I love his eyes as well as we do gaze at each other a lot but it’s more of a comforting familiar feeling than that intense I can look at you forever and get lost in there type of feeling.

I don’t want to trigger anyone with this…I’m not confused about my feelings for my husband. I’d never leave him and I keep my relationship with this other man at work. I also wonder if this just happens rarely with random people that we can’t control that with? It seems shallow but yet it seems so genuine and intense. Is this just a type of attraction/chemistry we can’t control? And is it bad that I don’t have that with my husband? I got this realization today at work that it bums me out a little that I can’t share this type of special eye contact with my husband.
I’ll also admit that my husband has betrayed me earlier in the relationship and that may have caused some kind of trauma where when I look at him sometimes there’s anxiety in the back of mind looking back at the time of betrayal when everything appeared loving between us but the betrayal was happening but honestly even in the beginning of the relationship that wasn’t there.

Last summer my husband and I were at the lake. I was sitting in a chair on the beach looking at my husband in the water and he looked so handsome to me. I was taking it all in…like fully oogling the crap out of him without him noticing and when he finally looked up and saw me he got a big grin on his face and I smiled. This moment felt so special but it was so rare! I’m wondering if other married couples are experiencing those things much more frequently?