Silence

Whooshing sounds of my breathing and the beating of my heart
The AC of the car is noisy and the engine is whirring quietly
But not a single idea or noise happening in my skull
Silence is screaming louder than the noise
I call a friend
no answer
I call my mom
no answer, thank god.
My husband is working
Can’t call him
My child, asleep
My brother…
6 brothers…
Which one…
One is working
One is in school
The other rage baits
The last, well..
It’s difficult, To find someone worth your energy
Silence
Loneliness
They go hand in hand
It’s hard to like people
And hard for people to like me
I want to talk to someone
But I don’t know how
Who
What
Or when
Silence is breaking me
Loneliness is drowning me
How can I share my excitement for the hike I’m going to do
How can I share the sadness of the pet spider I just lost
No one hears me
I’ve never been heard
It’s not new to me
But why does it still hurt