is it crazy to change apartments because of 1 (phobia) bug per day almost?

So. This may actually be give hope to some people who have the same phobia. it is of la cucarach. I won’t say the English name because when I was highly phobic I couldn’t even say it so I suppose some people here feel the same.

history: after two surprising (traumatizing) incidents with them as a young teen, I became phobic of these bugs. I couldn’t say their name, hear their name, or look at a picture. I worried that someone could torture me with them, because my dear was so great I knew I had a huge weakness and I just couldn’t bear it.

THEN I finally moved out of a really annoying and energy draining roommate situation of years and got my own place. in an old neighborhood, in Barcelona, on the first floor, totally unsealed, and with a patio.

all was fine, I saw one dead one, I was okay. come summer and there are more. I’m actually surprised, shocked and amazed really that I’m dealing so well. I learned that they don’t fly, they just have the ability to coast. they can coast for a mile or so! (I heard.) so if they are on the ground they can’t get you. I sprayed them, milled them, chased them, I even one night, disgusted and shocked by two huge ones near the ceiling in the living room, turned out the light and let them be (they live in a glass ceiling above that room that doesn’t extend to the rest of the apt.)

I really couldn’t believe I was doing so well. it seemed my phobia was gone. I could even look at them for a while, watching, and sweep them up dead. years ago I would stand paralyzed for hours if I saw one, not wanting to let it out of my sight but too afraid to do anything. now I did!

but in the last 24 hours I saw one on the floor in my bedroom (I have a loft bed i am happy about, so it was far from me) and … as I was using th shower. former nightmare stuff.

now I feel I should move. seriously. though I am calmer my body is in constant fight or flight. I jumped at every little thing. is it crazy? I don’t think so. I am on high alert, I can’t sleep, I’ve been losing sleep.

is it crazy to move? this place had given me so much peace. but I don’t think the bugs will go away. we already had the exterminator here. is it phobic or normal? these are big bugs.