Should I talk to childhood friends I cut off friendships with because of my social anxiety years ago?

I finished high school almost 4 years ago. I'm afraid and very ashamed that people close to me back then will find out that I somehow "failed" at everything and I'm having to learn to START living basic things now at 21 because of social phobia. I had panic attacks for over 3 years. Thankfully, I've been getting better since last month after years in darkness, and I'm really happy and positive about that.

But it's so strange seeing the people I used to talk to so much now as adults, it feels "out of place," I don't know. I never know what to do when I see them somewhere. Do I say hi first? With a smile or without a smile? Enthusiastic or neutral? Loud or quiet? Is it better to pretend I don't know them and walk by with my head down? What if they recognize me? Nothing happens in my life, I'm the same person I've been for 3 years, what do I talk about!? And thoughts like that, but I always end up avoiding them, changing corridors, crossing the street, looking the other way, and so on.

In 2024, while taking a relative to radiotherapy, a friend of almost 7 years recognized me and talked to me. He'd always been a good person to me. Extroverted, quick laugh, the kind of person who's funny without saying anything. But I was a wreck, completely messed up mentally, barely able to speak, and I had blocked him on social media for over two years. Looking back now, I must have seemed very strange and distant, but even so, he asked for my contact information and we talked about relationships, life, and work. "Damn, some of the guys from our class already have kids and we can't even get girlfriends, huh?" Lol. And suddenly that conversation was almost two years ago.

I still have him on Instagram but we haven't interacted since. He posted a new photo and I wanted to like and comment, but something is stopping me, I don't know. Even sending reels feels uncomfortable. I'm ashamed of how I am today. I want to work on that.

I also cut off contact with a dear friend from that time. I messed up a lot with her, turning down many invitations to have fun over the years because I was extremely shy. But even so she was always with me in school. She was one of the last people who interacted with me before I completely isolated myself. She always asked how I was, how my mother was. "How's Aunt So-and-so doing? You're not giving her too much trouble, are you?" and she'd pat me on the shoulder, laughing. She also had a ready laugh with me, I always liked that about her. When I blocked everyone after high school, I found out she's dating someone now for over 3 years now. We haven't spoken since high school. But every now and then she texts my mother, "Hi Mrs. So-and-so, how are you?" I don't know what they talk about.

Sometimes I think about talking to her again and apologizing for disappearing because I was having my worst days and didn't know how to handle it, and telling her that she was always a great friend, but I think it's better to leave that door closed. The cycle is over. The spark of friendship has already gone out. But why contact her? Is it to forgive me? So I can finally let go of the past and move on? I wanted to do the same with a friend I was quite rude to. He always tried to cheer me up, but I was always curt and even impolite, until one day he gave up and I blocked him. This was 3 years ago.

They both moved on. They're both four years ahead of me in life in everything, even though they're the same age. They got partners, new friends, new jobs, new stories. Like, I don't know if someone from "season 4" showing up in "season 8" of their lives would be a good idea. I think I'm maturing and understanding that the problem was actually me. Should I talk to them?