I (27F) have a severe dislike and discomfort with one of my husband’s friends (29M), completely fine with any other friends

My husband (29M) and I (27F) have been together for 10 years. I preface this post by saying I’m aware I have pretty severe anxious attachment.

My husband has one close friendship: a male friend and his girlfriend that he met towards the end of college. Every other friend we have is either someone we both knew from school or someone we met together as a couple. This friendship has always felt different.

The history with this friendship has been complicated. His friend had a pattern of just showing up to our house unannounced, sometimes with his girlfriend, with no notice or planning. This would derail whatever my husband and I had planned and they would end up talking for hours. I raised it multiple times and it would get better briefly and then go back to the same pattern. There was also a trip they took out of state that I was not invited on.

Whenever we all hang out together I feel out of place and end up in a bad mood that I genuinely cannot control. I know they probably perceive me as difficult or having a bad attitude. My husband has noticed and it has been a source of friction between us.

They don’t see each other very much anymore — maybe once every few months if that. I am aware that some of this is just life and schedules but I also know that my discomfort around this friendship has probably played a role in them drifting apart.

This past weekend, my husband chose to go over to their house which is something he never does. Usually his friend will just show up to our place or very rarely they will make plans to go out to eat together. Him choosing to go over there today felt significant to me and I am having a really intense reaction that I know is probably disproportionate but I cannot seem to help it. I don’t have this reaction with any of his other friends.

Something about this specific friendship triggers me in a way nothing else does. I get physically anxious. I have had a physiological panic response when he mentions seeing them. I have caught myself wishing he would just never talk to them again which I know is not fair or realistic.

I am trying to understand what is happening inside me and how to handle this better. Has anyone experienced something like this with a specific friendship? What helped you work through it?