DO YOU STILL THINK ABOUT ME & WHICH ANSWER SCARES ME MORE ✧ Internal Monologue | No Contact

I don't know why this question won't leave me alone because I genuinely can't decide which answer would be worse like if you don't think about me then I've been carrying this by myself this entire time & if you do think about me then we're both just sitting somewhere thinking about each other & doing nothing about it & that’s sad..? I don't know which one of these is sadder honestly but if we’re being honest both are shitty

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I caught myself hoping you weren't okay & I sat with that for a second because that's not who I want to be I’m ashamed of it tbh I’d never admit this out loud but it wasn't even really about that & that’s the thing it was more like it would bring me some comfort to know that I’m not the only one in so much pain because if you're completely fine then what does that say about what I thought we were?

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I don’t necessarily want you to be in pain I just want to have mattered & there's a difference I know there's a difference & I still feel like an awful person for wanting you to feel the way that I do?

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Maybe I was never really asking if you think about me maybe I was asking what I'm supposed to do with the fact that I still think about you & I secretly hope that you’re hurting too & I can’t admit this to anyone

✧ Affirm '222' if you just want to have mattered…

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