Misogynist trying to reform and thought I would…die.? ..here asking instead of reaching out to therapists and trusted friends(I have none of either anymore)

Context: I was abused in every way imaginable by my very feminine/gentle wife because of PMDD that took hold hard after the birth of our last child 10 years ago. PMDD episodes 2-5 times a month. It has been an…….agonizing 10 years? We engaged at 15. Married at 20. 5 kids, all amazing. 27 years wed and we are almost 50 years old now. Separate by law. Trying to save our family together.