Wanting to resing from ssa but cant

I know rhat many in this subreddit think that ssa isn't a sin and I don't need to stop it, but please try to understand my pov

I have been thinking a lot lately, researching and praying, and i have come to the conclusion that I must stop seeking being with another man, but I don't know if I can do it.

For some context im a guy in my early 20s, I think im bisexual and have never dated anyone. Lately I have struggling a lot with being single while most people around me are dating(pathetic, I know) and it affected more than I thought it would. So i started praying for a boyfriend/girlfriend, and after sometime I questioned if it was a sin to pray for a boyfriend (I have always thought that having ssa was something natural, That God made us that way, and as long as its a health and serious relationship in God it was alright, that love couldneverbe a sin, and no one should go to hell for loving another person). So I started research and praying and come to the conclusion that God wants me to resing from homossexuality and live a "straight life".

And it should be pretty easy to just resing, I still am atracted to woman(which is more luck than others with ssa have) so i can still fall for a woman and have a wife, I don't have a boyfriend i need to break up with, not even a crush. But I know deep down that I can't keep this promise, that eventually I will fall into temptation again and sin, that the first time a boy that looks at me I will break this promise. And even if I never have anything with a boy, always a part of me will wonder how it would have been and wish I at least kissed someone before doing it.

There is also a lot of gay culture around me, I have a lot of LGBT friends, and like many queer media. And I know that I should move always from this, but I'm scared that if I distance myself from my friend I will end up alone again (im very shy, and struggle making new friends)

Anyway, I know what I have to do but i don't have the strength to do it. Pray for me, thank you