Anybody here stuck in bed due to germs and perfectionism?

I have trouble with everyday life due to my OCD/OCPD. Everything feels dirty. My bed also feels dirty but I have to suck it up if I want to sleep. It’s hard to get things to feel “clean enough”. When I am actually able to touch the dirty dishes, and clean them, I use a lot of soap. Like, a gargantuan amount for the amount of dishes in order for it to feel “clean enough”. Clean dishes that aren’t washed by me are dirty. Feel dirty. Same with other things, like toilets and sinks and counters and floors, etc. You’ll probably think “just wear gloves” but lol, the gloves are dirty as well. Besides, as an exposure, I need to touch things without gloves.

I also struggle with perfection. I struggle to do things like schoolwork, therapy work,work. I feel if I can’t do it perfectly immediately, I’m a failure. And that I shouldn’t do the activity at all. And fearing being a failure has turned me into a failure. I can’t engage in new hobbies for fear of not immediately ace-ing it.

Intrusive thoughts are constant. I often struggle with fearing I am racist, sexist, homophobic, pedophilic, etc. Because I’ll constantly hear in my mind the most atrocious things about other people and myself that I do not agree with. I stay home from public because my heard gets so loud and I have terrible thoughts and feel anxious people can hear my intrusive thoughts.

I have many hyper-fixations, but instead of lasting at most a month or maybe a few months, they last years and instead of using them for pleasure, I use them as a task. For example, I obsess and hyper-fixate on mental illnesses because I want an answer to why I feel like I do. Why I feel the way I have since I was 3-4. As far back as I can remember. I believe OCD started for me around 4-5. And I turned that into a task to try and gain control. I feel if I find out the answer to what is wrong with me(because something feels fundamentally wrong with me), then I can gain control over my mind, which feels chaotic.

And OCPD developed after abuse from my parents, expecting me to always be perfect. Everything from school (if I didn’t have the highest grade in the class, I was a failure, I wouldn’t amount to anything other than being a fast food worker, no college would want me) to hobbies (if I didn’t do them 100% perfectly, they say it was a useless waste of time)to work/chores(they’d say I didn’t even try and make me redo them to an extreme extent: for example, if I missed even a spot on a dish after doing the dishes, my parents would make me clean all the dishes in the house. Like, all the cookware and dishes and cutlery and cups within the house.

I don’t feel good at all mentally. I have other disorders as well that contribute to the ways I feel.