At a dead end in life

I don't know, I just feel completely worthless. I graduated university with an arts degree (yeah, laugh it up at the back) and there's just... nothing. No jobs. No place of my own, not even a shitty studio I could rent. I'm living with and looking after my grandmother in a semi-rural suburb with nothing to do, nowhere to go and nobody my age. I work a part-time retail job that's all right, but doesn't give me nearly enough hours to be independent. I feel like I'm just putting away a pathetic trickle of money compulsively for a future that doesn't exist.

I'm disabled and half-paralysed and just cannot see a future where I'm healthy, loved and useful. I don't even know what to do for work or how to get a proper job that'll pay me to move out. Every day I'm just thinking about how lonely I am, how all I seem to ever do now is smoke and sleep and talk to people hundreds or thousands of miles away through a fucking screen. My family live on the other side of the world and they still live in the exact same template, small town, no public transport, no mobility, no jobs. Where the fuck do I go? How do I get out of this bullshit rut? Then it's the guilt of knowing it's a first-world problem and there's millions of people who would kill for the life I'm busy wasting.

I don't even do anything creative anymore. I used to love writing and now I can't even look at a blank document for five minutes. I just work and save and dream that someday I might get offered a full-time job somewhere I can actually rent a place. My friends keep asking 'do you date?' and I'm like, fuck no! I've never been in a relationship and can't see myself ever being in one. What kind of possible benefit could a guy like me ever bring to someone's life? I was broken from the start and only ever managed to dig a deeper hole.

I just don't know. I wish I had a normal body. I wish I had a normal brain. I don't know how to get out of here and I'm so tired. I'm so tired.