I Blame My Mother.

Been processing a lot in Therapy lately, and we finally dug into some childhood memories. My mother was a schizophrenic, bi-polar, with multiple personalities. My FIRST memory in this world, ever, was the day she left my father and I. I remember her hugging me and telling me "Oh sweetie, I'm not leaving you, I'm leaving your father." Of course, a 2 year old didn't understand that. I remember her walking out the door with her new Girlfriend, Monty.

I didn't realize until, 37 years later? That's been molding my dating life. My therapist helped me to realize that "spark" that everyone looks for is usually recognizing the trauma from your parents, in this new person.

So, ya, damn. I've been going for women who are emotionally unavailable, unloyal, and avoidant, and that is really on me.

Explains a fuck ton. Thanks, Mom. As if dealing with you killing yourself 5 years later didn't also create serious issues.