I have a kind of mix of a rant and asking for advice regarding my confidence.. (WARNING: LONG)

So, It all starts in the 6th grade. I had crushes on people and got rejected which is obviously normal and I took it well. This certain guy that I used to like in 4th and 5th kept commenting on how ugly i was but it didnt really bother me. Fast forward to 7th. Had this crush on a guy and I thought it was going well between us as friends. I was ecstatic when he gave me his number because he was moving schools. I decide to tell him I like him over text maybe 3 months later after we had still been talking. He said " I like you too but lets just stay friends bc im not allowed to date yet" and I was so so happy. I felt so confident and this was the first time someone had ever liked me back! We continued talking and somehow the topic of my confession came up 2 weeks later. He told me that he was joking and I was like " why would you joke about something like that?" he blocked me and at that point im just crying bc i just lost a friend and possibly something more. But i shook it off. The end of the school year rolls around and I get out of school and i see a text from my other friend saying that theres a rumor going around about me liking the same guy i did in 4th and 5th. I tell my friend to tell him I dont like him anymore and his was response was "Thank the lord.." I felt kind of hurt by that but again i had to move on. This year i was in 8th and i was at a different school. I have GORGEOUS friends right now. They are the definition of GORG. Anyway, my best friend in the group has a kid confess to her at recess and they start dating which im so happy for them! But i also thought to myself like damn i wonder what that feels like. He buys her flowers for valentines day and all that great stuff. All the boys in my class would joke about me and make it seem like it would be THE WORST punishment for dating me. Again, i keep moving. This was what really broke me. I had a crush. I thought things were going great. This random day at lunch, the boys decide to rank all of the girls in the class based on how pretty they are on a notebook. I was either last or second to last on all of the rankings. I didnt really care about the other boys rankings but i was anxious to see how my crush ranked me. I was last in his ranking. When i saw that, i got up and immediately left the lunchroom and cried in the bathroom. My friends tried to console me but, theyve been ranked attractive their whole lives so they didnt know what to say. The worst part was it was in MY social studies notebook so every time i opened it i just saw how ugly everyone thought i was. By the end of the year i was so insecure, i barely wanted to leave the house. And then this guy confesses to my other friend and I lost it mentally. I started crying myself to sleep every night and scratching my face because i hated it so much. So thats where I am now.

So yeah I need some advice on how to build myself up and get more confident again.

Thanks for reading if you did.