I want to stop

Im 31/f that has been a pretty heavy drinker since around 2020 give or take. It's gotten to the point to where I dont look forward to anything unless it involves hanging at different bars &/or grabbing a few drinks & doing shit around the house..

Ive been feeling like this for a while now but always just dismissed it. Theres been so many times where I legit didnt even WANT to go out & have a drink, but i still do. I was sitting at the bar last night & a thought crossed my mind & im like... why am I even here right now? I wasnt feeling well, heartburn, etc.. yet I'm at the bar drinking..

Yesterday my husband was working on his car almost the whole day & it was making me mad cuz I just wanted us to go chill at the bar. I actually couldnt figure out why I was so irritated & then it clicked & it made me feel so ashamed. I honestly just wanna stop, but the thought of stopping permanently scares me for some reason. It's like idk who I am anymore.. i feel like my personality revolves around drinking or hanging with buddies at the bar.