.

* she brought down your defences while you were reluctant, you laid out everything missing in your life and she was completely unphased, reassured you speaking of ROCD instead

* told you how you were the one, how she was always looking for a way in, not a way out.

* spoke about your future and the house you'd share and how she hoped the kids would have your eyes

* would tell you how her ex didn't measure up in x y z ways, how you were so much better. And you told her you'd never treat her like that

* proceeded to emotionally cheat and try and schedule a meet up with her ex, would have gone on indefinitely if she hadn't sent the wrong message in the wrong conversation

* asked to be taken back, said she'd never do anything like it again

* broke up with you two hours after saying she loved you so much nothing could change that

* while you were in the middle of this insanely stressful family situation where you couldn't even eat

* her only explanation was that her feelings changed. That was it

* agreed to a phone call then didn't turn up for it

* acted like her exasperated frustrated phone call from a withheld number was a privilege where she acted annoyed with you for being in pain and confusion

* made up shit about you hurling insults at her (couldn't name a single one)

* said she doesn't even think about you

* probably already dating somebody else and even has the nerve to ask for moral integrity on her profile

You utterly humiliated yourself with letting your residual feelings override your own sense of pride. She treated you like you were utterly disposable and you refused to believe it because you couldn't believe somebody was capable of saying all the things she did, and also act like that. You couldn't let yourself believe the person you loved who claimed to love you back was capable of that. You let yourself believe it had to be an external situation and she just froze out of fear. You could only see what you saw in her at the beginning. It wasn't external, she really was just that shitty a person.

C - you broke my brain. I was so careful and gave you multiple outs from the beginning. I've always been careful to not use others, and I just assumed you were the same. You can tell yourself I was always fucked up, but you put me through mental torture and drove me over the edge. I was stable and only improving with you. At worst I was tetchy at times with you. You knew I was vulnerable and doing my best to improve, you complimented me on it and called me an angel. You put somebody vulnerable through immense pain, somebody who only wanted the best for you and genuinely loved you and cared for you. Even consoled you in that noodle shop while you were actively talking to him at the same time, looking me in the eye while doing all that. You left me completely suicidal. You're really disgusting. I so deeply regret being pathetic enough to ask for you back, only seeing the best in you and our future.

If you're capable of this, you deserved your ex. You deserve a repeat of your ex. His sister probably saw through you and was right about you.