Struggling to find motivation to live life

This is honestly my first time talking about this in its whole but I've been dealing with depression for over a decade now. I've had my "better" years and I've also had years where ive been to the state of mind where I wanted to remove myself from this world. I've never gone to therapy and have been just living with this in silence and solidarity. Though I have been doing alot better in the past year, I still just cant leave the depression. I really want to break out of it. I want to be able to wake up in the morning and just be happy to be alive. But I just can't leave the depression. It almost feels like its become a personality trait of mine to be depressed. I just want to be happy naturally.