I’m giving up on my dream

33 F. ADHD and Anxiety. I was the kid who played teacher with a class full of stuffed animals and a little chalkboard eisel. I graduated high school and immediately knew I wanted to be a teacher. I had a great nannying job in my neighborhood and that contributed. College was easy for me, finding a teaching job afterwards was not. Once I finally did, I felt immensely underprepared. Classroom management was always the hardest part. The school I was at (charter) liked me though, and were ultimately willing to work with me to find a good fit. I switched from art to 4th grade to reading intervention to 1st grade.

Eventually after 5 years I left that school because I didn’t feel like I was growing. I took a position teaching online which I enjoyed because it didn’t require the constant behavior management and overstimulation I was getting in the classroom. Unfortunately that position got cut so I had to look for a different job the next year. I got one at another school (public), and failed miserably. Again, classroom management. I took training, watched videos, read books, worked with a mentor, observed other classes. None of it worked. I was let go by the end of the year. That really hurt. But still, I kept trying.

Unfortunately, every teaching job I landed after that went sideways. I got let go three times after that. It all came down to the same thing- constant behaviors, classroom management, and no support. “We love you as a person, but-“ Is something I got tired of hearing. After this last time, I realized the difficult truth- this career isn’t for me. I didn’t love it. I didn’t even LIKE it anymore. There would be mornings I felt physically sick about facing the classroom. I pride myself in caring, A LOT. But caring isn’t enough in this field. Clearly I don’t have what it takes and I’ve accepted that. I’m not going to keep trying and failing when I’ve put in so much effort to improve and haven’t. At this point I’m just wasting my time trying to be successful in a career I have actually grown to hate. My self esteem has plummeted because of this.

I’m looking for advice for others who have decided to leave the classroom. I had an interview today for a photography position and I have another one Wednesday for a Behavior technician job. Art and writing are my true talents, but I’m good with people and kids. I know I’ll find something eventually, I’m just kind of feeling discouraged and would love to hear others stories who have gone through something similar.