What should I do?

So I’m 40 this year. I’m married to my wife of 20 years, and we have two daughters, 16 and 14.

I’ve worked hard all my life, made lots of money, had fun, and invested. Since my work was seasonal for most of my life, I would always save money for breakup in the spring. Then I would indulge, enjoy life, and forget about investing and the things that mattered.

Years went by, and I played around with options trading. I lost a bunch of money, and it turned into a small addiction, which I eventually stopped.

The oilfield got slow, and now I work at a mine. It’s likely around the same money, but for some reason I don’t know why, I can’t seem to get ahead or pay off my credit card bills. I do make my payments, though.

Anyway, the point I’m getting at is I feel like I want to walk away from my life and not look back. I feel like the biggest failure as a husband. I know people love me, but I’ve changed so much.

I hate my job. I hate being around people. I feel like people are fake, so fake that it’s how they get through life. I’m about as real as people get, and somehow that makes me feel like a loser.

I used to party and go out. Now I almost have a phobia of even going out in public. Part of me wants to sell everything, not tell anyone, and go live in the bush.

Anyway, I’m wondering if anyone else has had thoughts like this. If you have, what did you do?