Found out my boyfriend intentionally overdosed

I’m not sure what to do with myself at this point. I feel like I’ve recently began to spiral more about his death, I really have no motivation to do anything anymore, and now I get hit with this news.

Although I think I knew in the back of my head that he might have done it on purpose, there was some hope in me that maybe it was all accidental, and he just wanted to get high one last time. Now that illusion is shattered, and I can’t help but feel worse about everything. I was the last person he talked to and saw. I was the one that sent him away to his demise. How do you even go on with work and even life knowing this?

I’ve started talking to a therapist two weeks ago, but now I wonder if it’s worth it. I’m not sure this feeling of guilt and numbness will ever leave me.