Birth perspective

I've spent the better part of the last year grieving a birth experience that ended up being the complete opposite of what I had hoped for.

When I got pregnant, I dreamed of an unmedicated home birth. Then I developed a thyroid condition in my first trimester that increased my risk of miscarriage, so I chose a hospital birth instead.

That turned into a 39-week induction because of concerns about my baby's size, possible preeclampsia, and my BMI. After a week of induction and labor, I ended up with an emergency C-section because my baby's heart rate kept dropping with contractions.

He was born 9 lbs, had a 100th percentile head, and was sunny side up.

For a long time, I mourned not getting to experience the birth I had imagined. I wanted to go into spontaneous labor. I wanted to push. I wanted that moment I'd pictured for so many months.

But today I had a perspective shift.

Every intervention I agreed to was something I didn't want. But every single one was agreed to out of love for my baby and a desire to bring him into the world safely.

Birth is unpredictable. Maybe my original birth plan would have worked out beautifully. Maybe it wouldn't have. I'll never know.

What I do know is that I always told myself that if my birth preferences ever conflicted with my baby's well-being, I would choose my baby.

And when that moment came, I did.

That doesn't erase the grief. I still wish things had gone differently. But I'm starting to see my birth story less as a story of everything I lost and more as a story of the first sacrifices I made as a mother.

So if your birth didn't go the way you hoped, and the decisions you made were rooted in love and bringing your baby safely Earth-side, I hope you know that your birth story is still beautiful.