I feel ashamed right now about being judgmental with my ex.

We recently came in contact. I had learned a few weeks ago that she slept with someone after we had broken up. It hurt me and I was devastated. I asked her for details about the sex because it did turn me on. As she kept telling me more things I started to feel hurt. We stopped and realized that this was going too far and not healthy. What she said to me I couldn’t believe. I didn’t see her like that way and I just felt like I couldn’t move forward with trying to date again.

I was really mean about it. I told her that I see you so differently now and this isn’t like you. This isn’t like someone I want to be with. I didn’t stop there. I continued to say that we aren’t on the same page and were wanting different things. I told her that she’s doing the things I did 10 years ago and I can’t be with someone who is still figuring things out. Someone who has to go out and have sex like that to cope and get over me. I said I want someone mature and not like her.

That was totally uncalled for on my end and immature. Before al this happened I told her “Did you leave his place feeling like a whore?”, I said that in a dirty talk way, but I think because I was hurt I was saying from a place of hurt too. Idk. I wanted to tell her “You’re my whore” and things like that, but I think the whole station was just uncomfortable for us. We both realized this wasn’t good for us.

After I told her all the hurtful things, she asked me “Do you think I’m a whore?” and I didn’t want to answer. She kept asking me after I said I don’t know and then finally I said yes. It was bad and we were going back and forth about how this opened our eyes to see we weren’t good for each other.

I’m not gonna lie, I feel so much shame around it. I know I hurt her really bad and I was acting like a judgmental asshole. I texted her apologizing and telling her that what she did was okay and I was being judgmental and I have no place to do that. I really really hate myself right now for hurting her like that.

And now I’m just worried for her safety. Like I never talked to her like that. I have been hurtful in the past, but not this way. This was bad. I know I should probably leave her alone, but I’m really just wondering if she’s safe. I fucked up big time and I feel so bad about it. I’m such an awful person and I hate myself for saying all of that 😭 I hope that she will find someone who can treat her gently and way better than I ever could.