Thinking about the point of living

Life feels so pointless right now. everything is so overwhelming. I'm having trouble keeping up with my medication and i really just don't have the motivation for anything in life. I can't will myself to keep up with my classes. i feel completely worthless right now. i've had these thoughts for around 8 years now and its a constant cycle of feeling alright and then feeling at my lowest of lows. I really think everything would be better if i just didn't exist. I know my friends and family would miss me but i can't find the point in living anymore. I know i need to talk to my therapist about this but i really don't want to be put in a hospital again. we don't have the money for it and honestly the fact that i know i have obligations in life proves i have something to live for, even if everything seems pointless. i dont think i will follow through but it seems like the easiest way out.