Weird thoughts about opening up

When I think of telling someone about how I feel with my anxiety and low self esteem i always get overwhelmed snd I feel like I retreat into a strange shell. It’s partly an age regression thing, but I also feel more like a girl when I do. Like, my inner voice gets higher and I just see myself doing more feminine mannerisms. It’s so hard to explain. But I guess overall it’s like, I feel safer opening up that way. It feels easier opening up to people if I imagine myself as a young girl even though im an 18 year old man. I’m so fucked.