A cross post from Facebook

Trigger warning, maybe I am not sure. I don’t have a rough draft and I am just going to get this out there. I’m going to put my story on here . I will not name people but most likely if it was you in this you will know. I’m doing it because I’m tired. I am tired of living like I am a problem. I’m also done accepting that I must be the one that is flawed. I mean I do have flaws and everyone does. But the ones I have are not the ones that have been broadcast out there.

I’m going to say that during this time it was still when the father was the main provider and the moms stayed home and took care of the kids except their parents most likely involved a mom that worked in factories while the dad was away at war. Then they had to be shuffled back in the home when the war was over and act like they didn’t miss being able to have a life outside the home. They did it though and then instilled the belief in a nuclear family. And it was the expectation that the kids would grow up and relearn the role of providing man with mother in the home. It was also around the Vietnam war. Where it was more of a free love era and flower power era the men that returned sometimes were damaged from what they went through and just mainly wanted silence and not a bunch of kids running around triggering them. The people of this time became a little more less traditional and a little more focused on their own interests. But they also had the pressure to build families families they resented responsibilities they also resented. Anyway moving forward:

I’m going to start from where my memories start. And I am not really going to debate whatsoever so if it is involving someone and you get offended by what I say I’m not apologizing for them and their behavior.

When I was still a baby and toddler my family lived in North hill in a duplex. Yes I remember back that far. We had two vehicles that I remember one was a serial killer van yellow in color the other one was a gmc eagle I believe it was orange in color with fake wood paneling on the side. My real father was not good to my sister or me he thought terrorizing an infant and toddler was funny I guess. I don’t remember too much of it before I was maybe 2ish or 3. But I’m sure the behavior was most likely the same before I remember it. I can describe the layout of that apartment. It was on Gaylen drive off of Patterson. It sat on a ravine that was behind the building. Ours was beside a grass yard where we had a swing set. The apartment itself was when you walked in the door you were in the livingroom we had the furniture that was the velvet kind with the watermill scene on it. We had a record console against the wall in the livingroom and my mom and dad’s bedroom was off the living room. There was a wall on the left side that went about halfway down then the kitchen entrance was through there it had tiles or linoleum that had what looked like river designs like little squiggly lines and it was white or tan in color. Our table was on the far wall and there was a fish tank that was on the table.on the left side was the kitchen part stove fridge sink then off the right was a stubby hallway where if you went straight you were in the bathroom if you made a hard right it was mine and my sisters bedroom. I’m only putting all of this here because this is exactly how I remember it and I was 4 when we moved. So anyway our bathroom was decorated with blue rugs and toilet seat covers and when you walked in on the left if you looked to the left you would be greeted by your reflection and the sink was right inside the door. Next to the sink was the toilet. Then the tub was length ways and there was a furnace duct on the floor in the bathroom. That’s how detailed my memory is. I’m just throwing it out there because people like to tell me they don’t remember things and here I am describing a home I lived in 45 years ago it’s still there. Anyway I am not really going to describe the bedroom because I have photos and the pictures could explain the memory. Anyway to terrorize us my earliest memory was me walking kind of. I sort of remember when I was still in a crib but not really. Anyway my dad would put on this hideous latex mask and chase me and my sister growling until we were in hysterics and almost hyperventilating. He would also snap a belt at me and my sister to scare us he would also hit with the belt. He had some issues where he would also creep around the duplex like a prowler scaring not only my sister and me but also my mom. I still do not understand or know why he did any of that. He also was a gun enthusiast and had them and would walk around at night in the apartment like he was patrolling. But then he would turn the active end on my mom and my sister and me. I’m not sure how often that happened and I don’t really want to remember how many times. I remember when I was still in a high chair I guess my head was blocking his view of the tv so he threw a couch cushion at my face and busted my lip open. We ended up moving to Brady lake on coffeen drive. I can describe that home too. It was tan in color had a front porch on the outside it looked way smaller than it was. It was a two bedroom we usually came in the back and there were a short set of steps to go up then you were in the kitchen if you went down the steps there was a short basement. Up the stairs when you came up the stairs the sink and counters were right as you came in and the kitchen door went right into a paneled livingroom. I’m not positive it was paneled in my memory it was paneled if you came out of the kitchen and made a left there was a doorway to the hall of the bedrooms ours was the first one on the right and the bedroom was set up so our bunk bed was in a cubby type area. Then was the bathroom and down a short hallway was our parents room. We were not there very long til my parents separated. I would say it was right before I turned 5 that was also when I was hit by a car on Brady lake road. I remember that too. I mean I was 5 and some survived it but I remember the sound it was like the sound then me on the ground. I remember the people that hit me were in a blue car but decided to carry me to my grandparents house for some reason. I think at that point we had moved in to silver meadows and my mom was running parts for Napa. Anyway during that time my mom dated two men named Dave one was magic Dave the other was just Dave think. She also dated some big biker dude. He told me he he couldn’t wait till I was 18 gross. But he was ok. I remember one of their last names. Anyway they were not around very long we ended up moving across the street to the chamberlain apartment in Kent. Which was kind of weird because I think the kids at silver meadows went to loncoy and the ones on the other side went to another school because I remember having to change schools. This is when my mom met my step dad at an ELKS Club Christmas party. I will continue my story at some point this is just the beginning.

*** I have one edit I want to make because I want it as close to the truth as it can be while looking back the couch was not the velvet one it was one that had a rough texture and removable cushions I really think it was like a brown and gold color but for some reason the colors are not there and also the watermill couch I believe was given to us by may aunt and uncle when we moved out. But I crossed this memory of the couch because it was that transitional period between coffeen drive and at silver meadows. Yes I am bringing up something that may not be a big deal but because I’m trying to be as accurate as possible so I don’t have people trying to defend the wrong things. And because of all of this is why I’m correcting that detail.