FtM 18 looking for advice

hey so um i really need help. i hate how i look and how i see myself, i'm extremely insecure and i feel so alien to my own gender but nothing i do affirms me anymore. binding makes me feel stupid because i have a large chest, and i don't have a proper packer and i am so insecure about my wardrobe and i struggle to work out because i'm so anxious and embarrassed. my family are supportive-unsupportive, as in they don't care but don't actively try to make me feel more comfortable. I'm not on testosterone either. It is really significantly effecting my mental health so much so i'm falling back into my severe depression i had when i was younger. I just feel so insecure and gross, and I don't know what to do anymore. i would love anything really, advice, support, even toxic motivation. i just am struggling so much and i need some help continuing my transition.