I got turned down today and it hurts.

I’m a 30 M and have done everything to positively improve my life, hobbies, loosing weight, gaining confidence, practicing awareness and treating my adhd to the point where i had adhd medication induced general anxiety which i have now recovered from thanks for the use of ssri’s. I never had any problems when i was younger than 20’s getting a girlfriend and since i was 23 i have just had insane string of failure so close to the point of becoming an incel, I never end up subscribing to this ideology but man is it tempting in today’s day and age.

I just don’t understand, im not ugly and my personality is fine.

The one thing I have struggled with is that my taste in women is completely looks based. And I cannot shake it. After many years of trying to focus, mediatate and work through it.

Here is my unshakeable thought process behind this:
I deserve a women who looks good, i used to date women who looked good in my teens so why shouldn’t i now? Everyone would look at me so highly if I was dating a girl who looked good. I would have a higher status than I do now if I was dating a girl who looked “hot”.

When I try to counteract these thought eventually they win, examples such as. Seeing a guy who is punching above his weight. Telling myself fuck that, i deserve a girl who is good looking. You shouldn’t settle. Etc.

Please can anybody help with this?