I thought I had inner peace, but I found out I've been living in fear my whole life

I've discovered a huge problem in myself. It seems like I don't believe I deserve good things. And this feeling of unworthiness is something I can't seem to correct even by calling out the ego—I just can't turn it into "I deserve good things."
I realize I'm actually used to this anxiety. I've been living with this feeling my whole life. I hate this fearful, terrified feeling so much—I'm scared of consequences, scared of taking risks, and I don't know how to overcome it. 😭 Affirmations feel useless, and I don't even know where it comes from.

When I feel really scared, I choose to escape or give up—giving up on jobs, on career plans, on making more money.
It's the same with my SP. Back then I was so scared that I chose to end the relationship instead—and immediately regretted it, but couldn't take it back.

Then I started this self-awareness journey. I thought I was gradually feeling more natural, feeling like I already have my SP. But something happened today, and it suddenly hit me—why was I in so much pain in that relationship? It turns out I've been anxious all along. I've lived my whole life in anxiety. Even small things make me afraid of making mistakes or taking risks. So in the relationship, I was scared too—so scared that I ended up saying "break up" three times.
I've been on this journey for many months now. I thought I'd already learned not to seek externally. I thought I had inner peace. But tonight, I uncovered this feeling deep inside. Now I feel regret and devastation—because I finally know what's been causing the pain. I wish I could start all over again, but I don't know how. Can anyone help me?

Thank you so much.