Does a phone like this even exist anymore?

I've been needing a new phone for a while. In the USA, using Verizon. After 6 years the battery on my pixel 4xl has swollen to the point the back glass has separated, battery life is laughable, and my phone gets HOT with minor use. Seems like a matter of time before this thing ignites in my hand or pocket.

The features I'm looking for (or trying to avoid) are listed in rough order of importance:

1. No hardware AI
2. No Samsung
3. No screen notch or camera behind the screen
4. Most bare-bones, un-modified, stock android OS possible
5. Least rounded screen corners possible, sharp 90 degree corners would be ideal
6. Screen that does NOT go edge-to-edge. I prefer a nice thick border around the top bottom and sides. I don't care if it's 'ugly'
7. Has a headphone jack
8. Removable/replacable back cover, battery, and storage
9. Is not miserably slow

I do not care about camera quality. In fact I prefer as few cameras as possible. I do not need or want a bank of 5-7 lenses/sensors on the back. I cover my camera lenses with black nailpolish before I even turn the phone on the first time. My opinion is if you want a nice camera, buy a camera, not a phone. I don't care about screen resolution, dpi, picture/color quality, whatever. If I want a nice picture, I have other nice screens. I don't look at this thing enough for that to matter. Size/thickness is irrelevant.

I understand my preferences go pretty much 100% against all modern phone trends. I've told people in person what I want/don't want and mostly they look at me like I've grown a second head or they feel the same and have just given up trying. I've been using pixels for a while but every iteration adds more and more 'features' that I not only don't want or care about, but have an active desire to not have. I tried a samsung xcover 5 which met almost all my wants but I found out I HATE samsung's android skin and the feel of the vibration pulse makes me want to throw the phone across the room. The phone also takes a painfully long time to respond to any input. Even turning the screen on takes a solid 3 seconds after hitting the button. It wasn't a slow POS out of the box but 2 days after I turned it on, it forced a system update without my permission (after I had turned all updates off) and has been terrible since then.

I don't care if it is an older or cheap model of phone. I use my phone primarily for phone calls, texting, and email. None to very little of games, social media, web browsing, navigation, etc. Yes, I am old. I can flex a little on some stuff but I won't budge on the first 3 criteria. If it means I have to go back to the early 2000s era nokias, it is what it is.