I want a wedding. My fiance does not. Am I being selfish for having one anyway?

I never thought I would post on Reddit, but here we are. Sorry if this is long. (I also posted this in the r/CharlotteDobreYouTube).

I (28F) and my fiance (29M) got engaged last year and have been together for almost two years. We are getting married in the fall.

For context: my fiance is very introverted, has social anxiety and I suspect he is somewhat on the spectrum. None of this bothers me, I fell in love with him for who he is.

I have a lot of mental health issues. The relationship I was in before I met my fiance was not good, my ex was emotionally abusive and manipulative and he emotionally cheated on me among other things. Basically to sum it all up: I have dealt with undiagnosed anxiety and depression most of my life and have experienced anxiety attacks throughout my life. Due to an unrelated situation I also have some PTSD. I have been going to therapy and during therapy I found out I am also ADHD.

I found out I was ADHD not long after Fiance and I started dating. He has been really supportive and is always checking up on how my mental health is and asking how he can help me.

In general, our relationship has been great. We recently bought a house together, but we don't live together (because of religious and personal beliefs). Both of us do not like confrontation so our fights/arguments were pretty minimal, until now.

I have always dreamed of having a wedding since I was a little girl. I have had my wedding planned for years, even when I wasn't in a relationship. My fiance knew this, we had several conversations about getting married and having a wedding before he proposed.

At first, he said he didn't care when it came to the wedding. I guess he didn't realize the extent of what all goes into a wedding, but for him the perfect scenario would be for us to go to the courthouse on a random day and get it done. He doesn't understand why we need to have a wedding at all, he thinks it's a lot of hupla for no reason. Logically he has a point; weddings are expensive, take a lot of time and energy, all for a party. However, to me weddings are a celebration of our love and commitment to each other and celebrating this next chapter in our lives with the people who care about us. Having a wedding is super important to me and I have told him this several times.

Throughout our engagement, he has complained, made snarky comments and tried to come up with any and all excuses to not have the wedding. To be clear: he wants to marry me, he just doesn't want a wedding. A lot of the comments he makes are mostly said in a joking manner, but I know he really means what he "jokes" about.

He has said things like: why does anyone need to be there? Why do I have to be at the reception? Why can't I just be there for the ceremony and then leave while you go to the reception? Why do we need an officiant/pastor? Why do we need marriage counseling? They will just tell us stuff we already know, what's the point?

He has fought me on basically everything when it comes to the wedding. I've tried so many things to accommodate him. I understand that he is introverted and doesn't like being the center of attention. I've asked him multiple times if having a small guest list would help? Having only our immediate families and the wedding party? He said, no, just having people there bothers him, it doesn't matter how many there are. I've made sure to make the ceremony short with only the bare minimum things needed. I canceled the videographer and agreed to not do a ton of pictures. We are not doing a cake cutting (we are having donuts for dessert anyway), we are not doing a first dance and he is not doing a mother-son dance. I want to dance with my dad, that is important to me. I told him that anytime he feels overwhelmed during the reception he can go to the groom's room by himself to decompress. I asked that he and the groomsmen show up an hour before the ceremony, but he said that's too early and wants to show up 15 minutes before the ceremony. The thought of that stresses me out because all I can think of is all the things that could go wrong and he doesn't make it to the wedding on time or at all. We are not doing a garter toss (I did not want to do it either so that was an easy decision). He said he doesn't like the suit even though he picked it out himself and all I asked was for it to be a specific color (navy blue). He said he doesn't want to wear a suit at all and that suits are dumb.

He doesn't like feeling out of control and doesn't handle change well. That's understandable and I have struggled with that too. The thing is, when he gets overwhelmed he tends to hold in his feelings until he can't anymore and then lashes out at people. He will also "go turtle" when he is upset and avoids people, won't talk to anyone for a while until he calms down and then pretends like nothing happened.

We have discussed these things and are working on them together. I told him communication is a big thing in relationships and with how my anxiety is he can't just go silent on me. I told him if he is feeling overwhelmed then tell me; if he needs some time to himself, that's fine just tell me that.

Ayway, all that to say he has been fighting me on anything and everything when it comes to the wedding and I don't know what to do anymore. I have been patient and done everything I can to respect his feelings and accommodate him. I have thought about just giving up and canceling the wedding a few times, but the thought of that is heartbreaking and devastating to me.

This has been a dream of mine for a long time and having the person I love not want to be at the wedding at all and thinks it will be awful hurts me a lot and is taking a big toll on me emotionally.

My friends and family keep telling me I have been more than understanding, patient and accommodating to him and that he needs to grow up and realize that this is important to me and if he loves me like he says he does he will buck up and deal with it. If the situation was reversed and I was the one who didn't want a wedding and he did, I would put aside my worries and go through with the wedding because I knew this was important to him and I want to support him and make his dreams come true.

I don't really know what to do now. I've just been continuing with planning the wedding and doing what I can to reassure him that everything will be fine and he needs to trust me.

He has done this kind of thing before a couple times where he gets himself worked up before an event and complains about it up to the day it happens and when it actually happens he ends up enjoying himself and it ends up being better than he thought it would be. I truly think that he will enjoy himself at our wedding more than he thinks and that he is just getting himself worked up with anxiety and worry.

Literally in every other part of our lives and relationship things are fine. We fit well together and I honestly believe we belong together. I love him and I know he loves me. The only big issue has been the wedding.

Am I being selfish for continuing to have the wedding, even though my fiance doesn't want to have one? Any advice would be appreciated.